THIS IS FOR THE MEN AND WOMEN THAT LOVES THEM

This is For the Men - Gerald Rogers Shares Marriage Advice He Wishes He Had Before His Divorce

Sometimes marriage advice from those who are divorced turn out to be the most honest and insightful tips you'll ever find out there. When someone asks a happily married person the secret to their long or happy marriage, it is easy sometimes to trot out platitudes like, "I am lucky", "I picked the right person", or one-worders like, trust, communication, honesty.

However, when you've been through the flames, whether the marriage survived or not, it may give one a better perspective. Last time, it was once widowed and once divorced Stella Damasus telling women how to keep their men, [read here].

Another divorced motivational speaker, Gerald Rogers, recently admitted on Facebook that there were a lot of things he could have done differently to save his marriage, and advises men and how they can do it better.

And though I said this is for the men in the title, I think both men and women can benefit from it.

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD: By Gerald Rogers

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had...

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14)  GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15)  BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17)  NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20)  ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

PHOTOSPEAK; DR SHOGO,YOUR PERFECT WEDDING EMCEE

Whenever i hear a ring on my phone and its a client calling to engage me for wedding reception as their emcee,my fibre,tendons,ligament and blood vessels rejoices in the Lord! you wondering why? number one its gonna add some cool cash into my pocket and also it is a privilege to add color,beauty and glamor to a clients BIG DAY. All my creative instinct rises to attention. okay,i dont intend to bore you with my story,let the pictures speak to you,these are photos of weddings have handled this year. kindly enjoy them,engage me or refer me for a wedding emcee job.

lovely color theme isn't it?

a good wedding emcee coordinates..........

a good wedding emcee directs.........

15 WAYS TO LIVE AND NOT MERELY EXIST

Many of us are alive, but are we truly living? We may have our hearts pumping blood and be walking around but are we really present in the life we live?

15 WAYS TO LIVE, NOT MERELY EXIST

1. Appreciate the great people and things in your life. – Sometimes we don’t notice the things others do for us until they stop doing them. Don’t be like that. Be grateful for what you have, who loves you, and w
ho cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they’re no longer beside you. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it to live.

2. Ignore other people’s negativity. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Ignore nonconstructive, hurtful commentary. No one has the right to judge you. They may have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through. You do not have control over what others say; but you do have control over whether or not you allow them to say these things to you.

3. Forgive those who have hurt you. – The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to move forward is the happiest. Be brave. Be strong. Be happy. Be free.

4. Be who you really are. – If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t change. Uniqueness is priceless. In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self. And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same. It takes a lot of courage to stand alone, but it’s worth it. Being YOU is worth it!

5. Choose to listen to your inner voice. – Life is a courageous journey or nothing at all. We cannot become who we want to be by continuing to do exactly what we’ve been doing. Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else. Do what you know in your heart is right for YOU. It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you. And be sure to appreciate every day of your life. Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience, and the worst days give you the best lessons.

6. Embrace change and enjoy your life as it unfolds. – The hardest part about growing is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you’re not. Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting, and have faith that things will work out. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but eventually you will arrive precisely where you need to be.

7. Choose your relationships wisely. – The best relationships are not just about the good times you share, they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end. And loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s showing it every day in every way. Relationships must be chosen wisely.

8. Recognize those who love you. – The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren’t very loveable. Pay attention to who these people are in your life, and love them back, even when they aren’t acting loveable.

9. Love yourself too. – If you can love children, in spite of the messes they make; your mother, in spite of her tendency to nag; your father, even though he’s too opinionated; your sibling, even though she’s always late; your friend, even though he often forgets to return what he borrows, then you know how to love imperfect people, and can surely love yourself.

10. Do things your future self will thank you for. – What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. Make sure it’s worthwhile.

11. Be thankful for all the troubles you don’t have. – There are two ways of being rich: One is to have all you want, the other is to be satisfied with what you have. Accept and appreciate things now, and you’ll find more happiness in every moment you live. Happiness comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have and offer thanks for all the troubles we don’t have. And remember, you have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

12. Leave enough time for fun. – Sometimes you need to take a few steps back to see things clearly. Never let your life become so filled with work, your mind become so crammed with worry, or your heart become so jammed with old hurts or anger, that there’s no room left in them for fun, for awe, or for joy.

13. Enjoy the little things in life. – The best things in life are free. There is absolute joy and wonder to be had in the simplest of moments. Watching the sunset over the horizon or spending time with a family member. Enjoy the little things , because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.

14. Accept the fact that the past in not today. – Don’t let the past steal your present and future from you. You might not be proud of all the things you’ve done in the past, but that’s okay. The past is not today. The past cannot be changed, forgotten, or erased. It can only be accepted. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.

15. Let go when you must. – It’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken. Some relationships and situations just can’t be fixed. If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse. Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something better. Strength shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over again with a smile on your face and passion in your heart.. follow me on twitter @drshogo

IF A DOG WAS YOUR TEACHER

If a dog was your teacher,
these are some of the lessons you might learn…

---

• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face,
  to be pure ecstasy
   
• When it’s in your best interest,
  practice obedience
• Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory
• Take naps and stretch before rising
• Run romp and play daily
   
• Thrive on attention and let people touch you
• Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do
• On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass
• On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
• When you’re happy dance around and wag your entire body
   
• No matter how often you’re scolded,
  don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout,
  run right back and make friends
   
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
• Stop when you have had enough
• Be loyal
• Never pretend to be something you’re not
   
• If what you want lies buried,
  dig until you find it
• When someone is having a bad day,
  be silent….
  …sit close by
  …and nuzzle them gently.

WHAT GOES ROUND COMES AROUND

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”
There is an old saying “What goes around comes around.”

LOVE OYEDEPO'S CHURCH WEDDING AND RECEPTION PICTURES

The 5000 capacity university chapel of the covenant university was filled to the brim on the 23rd of March 2013 which was the wedding service of the first daughter of the presiding Bishop of Winners chapel International,Bishop David Oyedepo. My people,before 10am, d groom was already seated in the auditorium o,(chai d bobo no wan waste time at all). The father of the bride and the bride majeestically walked into the chapel with clicks and flashes of the cameramen trailing them. Bishop Afolabi took the charge and the profession of the wedding vows was conducted by Pst Paul Eneche. Immediately they were pronounced Man and wife ehn,come and see the way the couplee were smiling like small pikin wey dem dash pouf pouf!(Only God knows what was going on in their mind at dat time*winks*). The communion was administered by Pst David Ibiyeome of Salvation ministries,PHC. Bishop Aremu pronounced blessings upon the couple using deut 28:1-14 and the congregation responded with thunderous amen that sounded like the bomb explosions of syria. Bishop John Praise of Praise cathedral,Abuja led the thanksgiving prayers,this was followed by a session of praise and dance by the faith tabernacle choir.
    The chapel was jampacked with women in red gele,all competing with one another causing all manner of visual traffic,go-slow and obstruction. The people at the back seat had to be moving from left to right as if they were dodging bullets in a war zone just for them to be able to catch a glimpse of what was happening at the front despite d fact that there were projectors. Bishop David Abioye delivered the message. He started by saying.."Every construction in life is by instruction". The text was taken from Genesis 2:21-end with emphasis on verse 24. The title of the message was "Growing together in marriage". He said "most couples do the living but not the cleaving". The cleaving process is the growing process. To cleave means to mix and blend together,to harmonise and be engrafted. Growth is never convenient but it is compulsory. Growth also means change and this takes time. Growth is a process and anything that requires process requires patience. He admonished the couple to take time to know each other,that marriage is an eye opener,he likened courtship to a mock exam. He ended the sermon with 3 ingredients that help grease the marriage.
1. Appreciation: anything appreciated always appreciates. Always say a thankyou when needed. Keep appreciating one another
2. Affection: I love you is an affirmation of commitment,but it is lacking in a lot of marriages today. Where there is no love,there is no excitement . The test of love is when it is demonstrated to the undeserved.
3. Apology: I am sorry is the scarcest. Everybody feels he/she is right especially the men. Cool answers turns away wrath. Prov 16:28,17:9. Forgive and forget.
After his message,he invited Bishop Oyedepo for apostolic blessings upon the couple. During the signing of the register,an ace veteran in gospel music industry in Nigeria,Evangelist Bola Are led the whole congregation in high praises.
    ROLL CALL(in no particular order pls)
1. Arch Bishop Margaret Idahosa
2. Mrs Obasanjo
3. Dr Emmanuel Uduaghan
4. Mrs Abimbola Fashola
5.Mrs olufunke Amosun
6.Mrs Liyel Imoke
7. Pst Paul Eneche
8. Senator Pius Anyim
9.Pst Femi Emmanuel
10.Pst Dayo Olutayo
11. Bishop John Praise
12. Pst Duro Aina
13. Pst Olubiyo
14. Pst David Ibiyeome
15. Rev Joseph Agboli
16. Dr Serah Jubril
17. Barrister Jimoh Ibrahim.
  Senator Pium Anyim delivered the goodwill message on behalf of the president of federal republic of Nigeria. Lovina and Stevo! Congratulations(clears throat)... That's all. Thankyou. As promised,here are the pictures..